


a roller coaster kinda rush

by girlwiththebooks



Series: Coming Undone [1]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, and first for this fandom, so please be nice and i love feedback, this is my first time writing in ages
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-03 05:52:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13334829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlwiththebooks/pseuds/girlwiththebooks
Summary: He doesn’t let himself think about what that means.





	a roller coaster kinda rush

Shane doesn’t know what to call this thing he has with Ryan. All he knows is that the first time he shook Ryan’s hand, all he could think was “Oh. There you are.”  
It’s something more than friendship. It’s something deeper and stronger. Something that will outlive every other relationship in their lives. They’re both in happy, committed relationships and yet, Shane knows that they’d pick each other every time, if they had to. 

He doesn’t let himself think about what that means.

Shane knows that friends don’t hold each other’s gazes the way he and Ryan do. Knows that friends don’t share lingering touches. Don’t practically sit on each other when they’re hanging out after work. They don’t get so caught up in each other that they forget other people are about.

He doesn’t let himself think about what that means. 

Shane knows that whatever he and Ryan have isn’t cheating but sometimes, sometimes he can’t look at Sara after he comes back from spending time with Ryan. He knows it isn’t fair to her. Knows that his thing for Ryan is ridiculous and out of control and he hates it. But he loves her, and he cares for her and he can’t break both their hearts over this. He can’t risk ruining his relationships with Sara and Ryan in one fell swoop over his stupid, traitorous feelings. So instead he avoids, and he hides, and he pretends. 

And he doesn’t let himself think about what any of it means. 

But sometimes, when its quiet and Sara’s away for the night, or when he’s lying next to Ryan in one of their supposedly haunted locations, sometimes he lets himself think. Sometimes he lets himself hope and dream and imagine. But only sometimes. Because he knows if he thinks about it too much, or looks at Ryan too long, or hugs him just a bit too tight, he’ll say or do something stupid. Because he doesn’t know if Ryan feels the same and he can’t lose him. He can’t. So instead he carries on. 

And he doesn’t let himself think about what any of it means.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is super short but I kinda like it so I'm posting it before I lose my nerve. 
> 
> Come find me on tumblr at demonsandthebois


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